HaShem’s Love for Process
As we approach the season of Teshuvah during the Ten days from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur, we contemplate the daunting task of repentance and the consequences associated with success or the lack there of. Our mindset is based upon a statement made by Chazal; “three books are opened on Rosh Hashanah, one for truly evil people, one for truly righteous people and one for the people in the middle”. The truly righteous are written and sealed in the book of life immediately on Rosh Hashanah and the truly wicked are written and sealed immediately in the book of death. Those in the middle, their lives hang in the judgments that are heavily influenced by peoples’ teshuvah and religious practice and commitment during the ten days of repentance. For the overwhelming vast majority of us, we consider ourselves middle-of –the- roaders. Hence, we should be approaching the coming days in great awe because so much is at stake.
HaRav Yaakov Kamenetzky, ל”זצ gave pause and reflection to the category, middle-of-the-roaders. Since they are not totally righteous or evil, does that mean they (we) have an equal number of mitzvos and aveiros on our ledger as we enter these days and one action will tip the scale for us for the good or not? HaRav Yaakov answered; it is very unlikely that anyone of us would go through an entire year with exactly equal numbers of good and bad deeds. Even if it would be possible that everyone of us would go into these ten days with equal numbers, why are we given ten days to tip the scale, one day is enough? Therefore, the paradigm is not one of spending ten days piling the good deeds on in an attempt to come out in the spiritual profit column.
HaRav Yaakov provided a different paradigm for the time from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur, that HaShem is focused on process and not on hard numbers. In other words, HaShem examines each middle-of the-roader to see what are his intentions and goals and not how much he can accomplish in this time period. If He sees that a person takes upon himself to improve in a particular area and He recognizes the person’s sincerity, He will conclude that this individual is in a growth mode for improvement. Therefore, we have been granted the awesome gift of ten days when we can kickoff the process of change and establish habits that will extend well beyond the Days of Awe.
The following is an example of this eternal paradigm. The person who considers himself a middle-of-the-roader enters into the month of Elul and begins introspection by asking himself, what can I do to come closer to HaShem? Let’s say he recognizes that refraining from engaging in Lashon Hara is a great challenge for him. He decides to start the process to eliminate this behavior from his life by committing during the ten days of repentance to refrain from speaking Lashon Hara for an hour or two per day. This commitment, if made in a sincere way and with the intent to use it as a vehicle to further eliminate Lashon Hara from his life altogether, it will be considered by HaShem that this person is in a growth mode and should be seen favorably to be written and sealed for another year of life.
HaRav Yaakov’s insight helps the middle-of-the-roaders with making better sense of HaShem’s expectations and helping to see the task of teshuvah as something that is manageable and not so daunting. The “process” approach is motivational because each of us has the ability to commit to something that we know we can succeed in. Further, his insight places an emphasis on the concept of process. It’s an approach in teshuva that is fully acceptable to HaShem because the alternative of total instant change is so impractical for the vast majority of mankind in the vast majority of life situations. Essentially, HaShem created us to be more natural with process than with abrupt change. Therefore, in all aspects of life we need to consider the power of process as a vehicle for growth and accomplishment.
I have found that most people rely on process in different ways in their lives and they understand its superiority to the notion of abrupt change. Yet, all of us have a tendency to lack the patience that process requires when involved in areas that when observing the unfinished product emotional stress is caused. A great example of this is raising and educating children. It’s common for parents, teachers and caregivers to promote process while having expectations of the children that are incongruent with it. This conflict between the process timetable for growth and incongruent and unrealistic expectations often cause educational and school related side affects. Student unhappiness, unmotivated, inappropriate classroom behaviors, not wanting to attend school, real and perceived learning challenges, attention deficit and social challenges are some of the negative manifestations of the conflict. The same clash is common in the home also.
I think for most of us what’s lacking that causes the conflict between process and expectations is patience. On that point, I suggest that we all start a growth process to improve our patience in order for our children to grow in all developmental areas within the natural process timeframe for every child.
K’siva V’chasima Tova, a gut g’benched yor and abundant nachas from your children.