Why Are So Many Parents Afraid of Enrolling Their Children in School?
In a career that has spanned almost three decades, I have come to anticipate reactions from young parents similar to the following story that I retold to my staff at the opening faculty meeting a number of years ago.
Last night when I was leaving shul, I ran into a young man from my neighborhood that recently enrolled his oldest child, a three year old into one of our pre-schools. I said, “there must be a lot of excitement in anticipation of your first child entering school for the first time.” He replied that his excitement bordered on fear. He is scared of putting his child into the hands of other people. After the interchange, I recalled my initial interview with this young man and his wife several months before. As the meeting wound up, he said to me, “Rabbi, we are choosing your school because we know that you will take care of our son.”
Upon reflection of his anxiety now and his parting remarks then, I drew the conclusion that this young man most likely had challenging moments in school that has left its memories (scars). He was convinced that I would make sure that his son would be loved, nurtured and cared for during his years in our school.
Truth be told, parents often make decisions for their children and react to situations based upon their own experiences. It’s natural, and as such, young parents need to investigate carefully current situations and determine if changes have happened since their childhood. Probably, for most, schooling is the greatest example of this phenomenon. As well, school personnel need to anticipate these natural feelings and proactively show differences in current school practices and attitudes in contrast to those of yesteryear.
However, my strategy hinges on a very important caveat, that things are different then the educational practices of previous generations. In many Yeshivas and Day schools, school practices and attitudes toward children, parents and education have not changed much. For these institutions, although change may not be in the immediate offing, at least a better understanding of the cause of the parent feelings will help to generate empathy for them.
I think it’s extremely important for all Yeshiva and school personnel to know what HaRav Matisyahu Solomon said on this topic a number of years ago at a Torah Umesorah convention. He said all things that are artificial have side effects. Medication is a prime example. Although medications can cause people to have discomfort in many ways, we still rely on it in times of illness and injury. We say that the pluses out way the minuses. It’s the best we have. Another example of artificiality in our lives is schooling. Our schooling system is artificial and as a result, there are side effects that impact our children and their success and happiness in school. It’s the best we have. It’s these side effects that generate the ill feelings that so many young parents experience.
It’s important to reflect on the Mashgiach’s words. Why is our system artificial and what is a natural system? A more compelling question is, if in fact there is a natural system, why is the current artificial system with all of its side effects the best we have? Why not employ a more natural system?
The artificial system that the Mashgiach refers to is the practice of grouping students together by similar ages into classes of varying sizes, usually large, led by one primary teacher. The challenge for all teachers in this type of school format is to reach as many students as possible and lead, nurture and facilitate, as much growth to each one’s potential within the framework of delivering one common lesson for the entire class.
What is artificial about this system? It’s a schooling approach that grew out of the Industrial Revolution. America and other civilized nations sought to institute efficient compulsory education for the masses at an affordable price that would help move industrialization and modernization forward. Perhaps, the Mashgiach was comparing this system to the Torah’s philosophy of chinuch. It would make sense that the Torah approach to chinuch would be classified as natural. Everything that has its roots in the Torah is eternal and must be the real and natural way.
In point of fact, there are chinuch directives from Torah that are opposed to the above-described system. The two primary statements are חנוך לנער על פי דרכו - educate a child according to his way and ושננתם לבניך - and you should teach your children diligently. Both sources appear to promote greater individuality in process of instruction and in the relationship between the teacher and the student.
Even without delving into the details of a chinuch approach that combines these two sources, one could surmise that the Mashgiach meant that “it’s the best we have” when referring to the artificial system because of the apparent prohibited costs involved with greater individuality.
It seems to me, by the Mashgiach telling us, “it’s the best we have,” it is clearly not the preferred method of chinuch. We will say its בדיעבד. Hence, as in all other areas of life, we need to find the methods of chinuch that are preferred and attempt to employ them for the sake of the current and coming generations until ביאת גואל צדק.