My Disciple, My Child
The title of this blog is borrowed from a book with the same title written by the renowned Torah educator from Yerushalaim HaRav Noach Orlowek, Shlita. The book is published by Feldheim publishers and is a must read for every Torah educator. He wrote a companion book for parents, “My Child My Disciple”, also a must read.
My Disciple My Child is based on the Torah philosophy that a teacher’s relationship with each student should emulate the relationship of a parent to a child. There are two well-known Torah sources for this outlook. In Parashas BaMidbar, the Torah states, “These are the offspring of Aharon and Moshe”, followed by a listing of Aharon’s sons and not Moshe’s. The famous explanation of this verse is found in the Talmud tractate Sanhedrin that Rashi quotes in his commentary, “Someone who teaches another person’s child is considered like he gave birth to him.” The other source is found in the book of Devorim, “Veshinantom Levonecha-And you shall teach your children diligently”. The Midrash explains the term “children” to be understood as “students”.
Both sources convey the idea that the act of teaching transforms students into a teacher’s own children, “as if he gave birth to them”. The concept is powerful, but practically how does the teaching change the relationship? What difference does it make if he is called a child or a student?
Actually, the Sages throughout the ages understood the Torah’s message as the ultimate relationship to strive for by a teacher who aspires to be truly successful. In fact, the Torah actually establishes the relationship as a prerequisite. “And you shall teach your children…” The Torah appears to obligate us to teach our children. If our relationship to our students is not parent-child like, should we be teaching them?
In this light, teachers need to consider what are the key actions and mindset necessary to strengthen relationships with students. Taking guidance from parent-child relationships is highly beneficial. What are some of the things parents do with their children that teachers can emulate? Let me suggest two ideas.
Firstly, like parents, teachers need to have comprehensive knowledge and understanding of each student both as a disciple and as a child at home and among peers. An invaluable idea is a comprehensive profile form to be filled out and updated from year to year. If done well, significant time will be saved in the process of getting to know the students. Imagine the sense of comfort and security a child will have when he recognizes how well his teacher knows him. The feeling will generate a true sense of trust, the cement that binds relationships.
Secondly, teachers need to see their relationships with current students as a lifetime bond, not just for the year. It’s not practical that teachers will form as close a relationship with children to the same degree as parents. Yet, a commitment to maintain relationships long after the students leave the class will inspire a greater investment of self to ensure that the bonds will endure. This extra investment will also pay great dividends for the current year.
Realistically, finding the time to maintain relationships with current and former students and having the emotional capacity to relate well with each student in the framework of “…like he gave birth to him”, can be daunting standards. As is, without the “golden relationship level” teachers are highly challenged to fulfill well all of their duties. However, the Torah paradigm for the teacher-student relationship cannot be ignored. We are taught that it is a prerequisite for true success. We have to find ways to grow capacity, organize priorities and jettison things that are not really important. We have to look inward and reinforce our resolve to fulfill our life calling of raising generations committed to Torah and Mitzvos.